Like Dandelion Dust

I just got finished watching the movie Like Dandelion Dust. I have to say that it really took my breath away. It brought up so much about what we went through with Morgan. I just had to sit and write about it and get it out. I remember the day that he left, I remember being in his room and helping him get ready to go visit his dad. He was 4 years old, and he asked me why he had to go. I told him that his dad loved him and wanted to visit and he said "why cant he come see me here"? He did not want to go. I thought this was just another weekend visit, but the weekend turned into a week then 2 weeks, then my worst nightmare. He wasnt sending my baby home. We tried so hard and fought in court and the judge (who I still have very hard feelings for) didnt even grant us visitation. This forever changed our lives, nearly killed my husband Dennis. Just like in that movie, I believe given the chance we would have done anything and everything to protect him, but we had no warning this was going to happen. It has been 4 years since this happend and now looking back I see how God did bless us after this with our daughter Maddie. See, we would have never gotten back into fostering or adoption if that had not happend with Morgan. The thing that still nags at me is, what price is Morgan paying? He is a part of our lives now, which we are so thankful for, but we see the hurt sometimes and the ramifications for what his father did. It is very hard to give your heart to a child that "legally" is not yours. His father always has the final say and he is not always a nice man. I pray everynight that God will send him back to us for good. I think about how sweet he was when he was little and he still is, but there is sadness sometimes that breaks my heart. I just wanted to write about this tonight after watching that movie and get some of it off my chest. Maybe I should teach Morgan to wish on the dandelion dust..........

Thankful for.......2010

So it is Thanksgiving and I feel the need to sit and write about what I am truly thankful for. There has been so much that has happened this past year. I am so thankful for Dennis's health and his recovery from his heart surgery last year. He got a good report from his cardiologist! We are almost done with our adoption situation also and it seems to be moving so quickly! That will be such a load off my mind when everything is done! A year ago it seemed like we were going possibly going to lose our sweet little girl. It is amazing how things in your life can change so quickly. I am so thankful for my son Tyler, and that he is a good kid and not into drugs and being stupid. He has his moments like any teenager, but for the most part he is great. I am also thankful for my son Morgan and that he is able to be back in our lives, he is so funny and has grown into such a great athlete and such a sweet boy. I love my family and my friends and I thank God for them!

the messiness of motherhood

I havent written in quite sometime, so I have decided that today I would make time (for my own sanity) to write. This past week poodle has been sick, so we have been dealing with lots and lots of snot. Not only is she sick but has major terrible 2's attitude. She is so strong willed, that some days I just feel like I am banging my head against a wall. She has taken to NOT eating and throwing her food on the floor (another messy mess!) This has not been good for my carpet or her weight. If anyone has any tips on how to stop this behavior I would appreciate it!
And not to leave out my mouthy teenage son, we will call him Zeke. He has the typical teenage boy hormones anda girlfriend that are about to drive me crazy. He is just growing up way to fast and it makes me sortof sad. I miss the little tiney voice he use to have, and now he is practically a man. It is so hard when they get to that age to try and keep them from making horrible mistakes, that will affect the rest of their lives. That is another mess of motherhood though! All and all I guess I wouldnt change much, I love my little brats more than anything!

Tired

Ok, soooo I really dont want to be whiny or anything, but I am getting really tired of things right now. We were investigated by CPS for the 4th time today. Even though these allegations are all stupid and false, it is extremely exhausting emotionally and physically. I dont know what to think anymore, this family is a huge pain in the ass. I am just angry and tired right now. I dont understand why I am being put through all of this. I feel like we are being harassed and the "family" is just getting what they want. They are still getting visits, which I think is not right. During every visit they pick and complain about everything. These people are driving me nuts. They dont show up for months at a time to visit, but when they do, I am the bad person. Ugh.......... I feel like pulling my hair out. I just really hope this judge sees through all of their crap, and that we have been there this whole time taking care of OUR baby girl. I know that God will take care of this, I just dont know how I am going to get through this for the next 2 months.

My rant about stupid CPS

Ok, so I just feel like ranting today about CPS. I am not even sure why they are called "child protective services" they sure dont seem to be about protecting children, they should be called BPPS, (Bad Parent Protective Services) because thats what they do, they protect the bad parents. That is why children are in and out of foster homes.
In our situation we had a great CPS worker that was trying to protect our baby girl, she had it all set to go for termination. Nobody in this babys family was doing anything at all to get her or showing much interest even. Now we have a new worker and she wants an extention so "mom" can get her life together (like she hasnt had time to do this already), even the judge thought this was a long shot. We have had our baby for almost a year! Oh and the other thing they would like her to be placed with "creepy guy" he would be a better placement. Not to mention that he is facing pending criminal charges, he has never bothered to come around to see her until she was 9 months old, he is unemployed, the list could literally go on and on!!!! Thank God that my baby does have people fighting for her. But its sure not CPS. Now, why are they called CPS again........?

needing God

Had a meeting with the caseworker today. Now I am worried again. It seems like the family is trying so hard to fight this and as my baby girls attorney said "aggressivley seeking placement with "creepy white guy". I feel like my head has turned to mush and like I have been slapped in the face. I know that this is MY baby girl, and I know that satan comes in and tries to mess with you when you are being blessed. I just feel like I cant catch my breath. I cant lose my baby, she is my heart. I know that right now is when I really need to cling to my faith and know that God is there, sometimes its so hard. I know when I went to court last time that God was there and I need to know that he still is. I am feeling very sick and lost right now. I am just praying that God will give me some peace about this.
I just want this creepy guy to go away and leave my baby girl alone.